Nothingness
I'm seeing something in nothing.
believing all things to be
without answer or justice
just tactful envy
no place is a temple,
no person a god send
the curse that befalls me
is the truth that it's choices
the path is not paved
for a wandering heart
looking for answers
with a mind that sees none
i believe in obscurity
fate has no rythme
no reason, no fact
a comfortous lie
what i've asked for is answers,
a yes and a no
but human existence
is a path of its own
the path is our choices
no right or a wrong
we move on so blindly
and beg someone to call
us to a place and say its meant to be
but all we do have is
No destiny.
Oh sweet, Succulent Love.
Oh, Prosperous Dream.
Focus your breathing,
In to your belly, lungs, then chest.
Feel the hard ground, the very hard
ground.
Feel the breeze,
The sticky sweat,
The hard rain drops, surprising your skin,
again and again.
See the bright decorative lightning,
The dim trees.
The hard ground.
And thunder yelling
So much bigger than the little,
insignificant you.
-Remember that point-
Oh, Love. Lost Love.
I am the one that held on.
I am the one that wrote you back more
times then you wrote in the first place.
I sent the postcards
I left up the pictures
And I live in the places where those
unforgettable memories were made.
I called you again.
I am the girl that never gave up. You
never could get rid of.
And I let you take advantage of me.
Or rather, I of you.
Because you didn’t want it, but, God, did
I.
Every action, subconsciously striving for
this closeness only you could give.
But I should have known you wouldn’t call
back.
Oh, Sweet Dream.
You will always be.
As hard as I try to avoid, to stop you,
I will give in.
And I will dream with such passion that
you could not believe
But you will take it from me
Again
And again I will cry and I will yell and
I will say to you,
“I give up.
Never again will I dream.”
But I will.
I give up.
I will live this mediocre life that I
know you do not want for me but
Everything you say seems to point to
because I cannot have another dream,
Another fucking plan
Smashed.
Just to be rebuilt.
No, I will not rebuild it.
It is down forever and don’t you tell me
to pick up the pieces when you tore them down…
We are the persecuted of the Great
America.
And it is not because the persecutors are
many, Are vicious.
It is because of our own Mighty God,
Who expects us to be dreamers with no
expectations,
Who will show us, no matter how long it
good and well takes, that, We,
We are small and insignificant beings.
Because this is truth.
The hard ground.
Breathe in, Breathe out
The sticky sweat.
This is truth.
But your thoughts,
Your preconceptions,
These are nothing.
These are dust.
The reoccurring thoughts
“He is the one…”
These are dust.
You, You, my friend, are dust.
And we will not have you believing these
thoughts of yours,
These understandings,
To be truth.
Breathe into your stomach,
Your lungs,
Then your chest.
And Breathe it out.
Surprise rain on your forehead.
Focus on the truth, Sugar.
Just follow the real in it all.
Truth exists on a page.
It is in the observable, and only the
observable.
In the text.
In the hard ground.
In the tall trees.
The thick air.
In the rain clouds.
The text.
The human body.
Not, my dear, in the mind. The powerful
mind…
They told me I would control it.
I was the creator, the inventor of every
thought.
Every emotion.
Every observation.
You could make yourself warm on a frozen
iceberg, baby
Just with that mind.
And you will make the pain stop.
You will make the heart keep beating
And you will forget that it ever bleed at
all.
And that it ever loved.
But truth, truth is only in the
observable.
You will smash my dreams and I will pick
up the pieces because I haven’t yet learned how to give it up.
You will not write me first, but I sure
as hell will write you back,
And I will call,
And the pictures will still be up when
you get home.
I will take advantage of you again. Because
you don’t want it. But I do.
And I will remain in the truth,
The observed.
The hard ground.
Because my mind is not as strong as they
once told me it was.
And I am the persecuted of America.
Because God is teaching Me a lesson.
Or so I preconceive…
Coal
talking to yourself so loud but i cant even hear a word
that you're saying at me
and everybody wants to speak their peace but no one is
even listening.
and i swear
you wont hear
what im saying
I capture you in this moment
instant color film
just to keep you the way you are
just now in this moment
times will change
your heart will grow
go down many a road
your eyes see only me
The vastness of your pupils covers me
as a child's favorite cloth so soft.
I need you here, surround me
but you wash out from under me
pulled in the tide of life
you are drifting far away, from me
I'm been stuck here for so long inside the belly of a whale of saddness
that i've forgotten what the sun looks like.
I am drowning in your beauty cause my eyes aint learned to swim in something
so profound and powerful just yet
I am choking on your dreams
and i am choking on your joy
and i am drowning in the thought of you.
the lense of your perfect eyes flash at me.
a goddess for one night.
you drown just as i have.
And i loose sight of you.
times will change
your heart will grow
go down many a road
I've fallen for an idea again
thats the way it goes
my romantic ideals getting the best of me
and its always the idea that steals my heart
and breaks it.
the idea of a cigarette
eating away my lungs
the idea of a dream
slurping up my engery
and the picture of a romance,
a "love"
consuming my life
and so, I fall for the idea of your
eyes swallowing me whole
STOP.
Stop this.
I'm not doing this to me, again
I'm not going to sit here daydreaming all night
picturing your eyes holding mine
your smile..
stop, anna, stop.
i'm not going to close my eyes and melt
just at the mere thought of your smile
and i'm not going to fall in love with an idea
the idea of you
so far away
happy in your life
a stranger
but a stranger i'm stuck in
and i wont let my eyes light up when i think of how you
managed to make me feel so beautiful, like no one else has
and i wont let myself think of how you sounded when you sang
or how you look under the red lights
i always said i'd never fall for a rock star
i don't like that you make me want to write.
and i don't like that i'm unable to when i'm thinking
on the subject of you
you and your..
oh god. i cant put you into words.
maybe thats why i'm so stuck on this stranger.
i really hope i don't get my hopes up.
romance never works
i hope you just want my friendship
so i don't die when it fails. again.
